My type of bike

I can’t blame you for having drawn the conclusion that I am anti-cyclists, but I can reassure you that assumption is way off the mark, I love cycling but it has to be on my terms, OMG not for me that daily back and fro to work come hail or high weather, way too ageing on the skin and downright dangerous, all those motorists to negotiate, unpredictability of climate and limited space for shopping; I wouldn’t even get my basic handbag into my bike basket, and panniers; No No No, they hardly rock the high street look……and, as the M11 is motorway, I have an undisputable excuse. Plussing as which, I really don’t do helmet hair which would mean finding extra space for my hair straightners or alternatively wearing huge curlers under my cycle hat…..mmmmmmmm

No, I am a fair weather “Sunday cyclist”, high up on my ancient sit up and beg bike, I stick fairly and squarely to the cycle routes and cross country paths, it is purely recreational which means it has to be mild (preferably sunny but not too hot because then I will be sunbathing) definitely NOT raining, windy or cold. The MD and I venture out as much as possible on suitable evenings and weekends to exercise, chat and exorcise the treadmill from our brains.

We have almost immediate access to a cross-country lane which in turn leads to a part circumnavigation of the city by way of the river. This is a pleasant route but has to be avoided during boat race training time due to the velocity of the coaches as they tear up and down the riverside shouting at the eights; any collision and I would be the one to end up in the drink! Mosquitoes and dog walkers have to be taken into consideration too but it does have the advantage of fresh air but fairly dull scenery (these flat fenlands are quite frankly not my bag) and can be a little boring until we hit the city centre where there is plenty of people watching to be done in the quayside cafes and bars.

Route number two cuts across the city boundary and golden corn fields, and, is about to be developed on a massive scale, yes the city council deem it fair and reasonable to develop a huge tract of green belt but would never ever let us cut a tree down in our garden. This narrow track is bumpy and lumpy and has a literal knock on effect on my bum, I cycle in fear of toppling off into the brook on the right and the “stingers” on the left, so it has to be avoided when wet, the sunsets in this direction are spectacular and uninterrupted which is probably about the only good thing it has going for it……..

The third path of choice deviates across farmland and meanders through various villages to the West, it is more energetic, variable and probably my best favourite. I am sorry but I cannot even drive down the A10 in and easterly direction without hyperventilating and having a major panic attack. I actually hate the fens with a passion, not for me the twee North Norfolk weekend Clapham by the sea cottage, I would really rather be up to my neck in sinking sand sticking hot needles in my eyes. I suppose I could write another blog about the “types” who frequent this particular neck of the woods, but as I refuse to go, I don’t have the personal experience to draw on, suffice it to say I don’t have a dog, drive a Range Rover, wear a waxed jacket, have the remotest interest in hunting shooting or fishing and no matter how many times anyone tells me about the charming bijoux little boutiques in Burnham market, and gourmet food at the Hoste Arms……. I AM NOT GOING…… Christ, in half the time I could be in Kensington High Street having fun. I actually love concrete in any from and shape, but green leaves me cold….. My old school uniform, football pitches, cabbage, Escada, wheelie bins, need I elaborate?