My wedding outfit

Just a week away from our departure to Mafia Mistress and the Champs wedding on a Caribbean shore, panic has set in regarding my outfit, There are only six of us but we like to be noticed even though this is probably going to be the most laid back marriage ceremony ever, Mystic Meg, has acquired an emerald green Frank Usher vintage gown which sounds very grand and she will carry it off with style and panache. The bride and groom went shopping and her dress gave her change out of twenty five notes but I cannot negate any opportunity to dress to impress; however, my directive has now changed.

She promised I could wear anything I wanted………..and a promise is a promise……SHE LIED.......now I have been told I cannot wear black. I have simple taste in clothes, my entire wardrobe is monochrome, I like it, it suits me, it is slimming and appropriate for any and every occasion….. Except apparently this union. I have worn black to the past three weddings I have attended, one in Cap Ferat, so very chic, and all Italians wear black to weddings so I thought Mafia Mistress would be cool about it. She wore black to her brother’s wedding, it is the staple of our wardrobes, how can she do this to me?

Ok, so I do vary it in the summer and have a fair few white outfits too, but I do know that is so not appropriate especially as the bride isn’t wearing white, God forbid, the marriage is in Spanish, the cast could get confused and I may end up married to the Champ instead…… horrors

I do have a lemon yellow parachute dress which hides a multitude of sins, but that’s a bit Little Miss Muffet. A purple bodycon mini may be a bit sticky in that humidity especially as it necessitates the wearing of Spanx and I doubt I could get them on in tropical temperatures. I moved my silk colour block shifts on via Ebay, at the end of last summer; so it’s off to the shops I have trotted to purchase the regulation outfit. I felt a bit like a schoolgirl buying a uniform; I had to suddenly tear myself away from all my instinctive styles and attempt to place myself in another category. I failed dismally, I couldn’t even bring myself to go into Coast, LK Bennet or Hobbs, and I am not married to footballer, who sends texts of his willy to topless models so Karen Millen is way out of the question. Cos frocks look too comfortable and Escada is a nada; I require sunglasses to even go into their showroom. Hennes is downright dull…………hyperventilation sets in and so off to Carluccio’s for an extra caffeine fix.

All Saints pulls me with a magnet-like attraction but that’s their signature monochrome raison d’etre and like the bag of Haribos I would die for, it is forbidden, I flirted with TopShop, French Connection and Zara, even though I am becoming more accustomed to the “nude” look, and after two weeks of Tropical sun I will have tan, I still have this mental image of looking like I am encrusted in Eczema, plussing as which it’s a bit bridal. I purchased a silver distressed satin deconstructed cowl neck dress but don’t have the confidence to remove the labels yet even thought the MD said I should keep it despite it being far too dull and formal for beach bar nuptials. I fear he thinks it may be the sort of thing he thinks I should think I should wear, well he is SO wrong.

So now it’s no nudes, frills, black or white, what is there left on the High Street, am I really expected to buck every current trend and resort to, horror of horrors, John Lewis!!!!!!

I do have to confess to a couple of little extras that have found their way into my wardrobe en route so to speak, so the exercise hasn’t been entirely without success and it did actually force me to look at colour, I am loving my pink chain printed Versace-alike lycra dress, and a tropical jungle printed skin tight vest dress will be great for breakfast but hardly wedding attire. She popped round to advise further and a ditsy printed top with bead embellishment and dipped hem has been sanctioned, over leggings, black of course, hurrah I have won!!!

Now which shoes do I wear?