Talons

I would like to be able to say that I had purposefully painted my nails to accessorise my glossy new BLACK i-phone, but that would be a lie, I cannot believe how long this manicure has lasted as it pre-dates the delivery of my phone by at least a week; especially, being the parsimonious person I am, brought up in a siege economy, I did it myself; yep, crap cheapo black gloss from Super drug and wow it's lasted yonks, just give it a quick top up gloss coat every other day and hey-presto! it's a permanent feature even plodding away at my blog, I am no touch typist; "heavy fingered on the keyboard" is my middle name. Scraping ice off my car screen, peeling tatties, bleaching the loo, I never wear marigolds but hey it's stood the test of time. What's more when removed (or peeled off as this appears to be the easiest method), it does NOT leave my finger nails stained and looking like I have just polished off a packet of 20 Gold Leaf!!!

I am so loving this depth of gloss, almost makes my nails look like the perfect "Footballers wives" acrylics but without the squared off ends, the two tone Neopolitan ice cream feature and the lightening diamante transfers plus that vile hooked witch-like talon appearance that makes it hard to claw your way across a keyboard. But don't you just know that as soon as all your nails get to the optimum length the middle one will break and that will herald the tumbling dominoes scenario whereby gradually one by one they all go in the same week and once again its back to square one; stubby little fingernails, fat man hands and fingers like a pound of pork sausages……….

Lily Sis met the woman in Florida with the longest finger nails in the World and whilst I am not contemplating challenging her for the title I would just like them to maintain their present length. There is no doubt about it, neat and manicured nails do make your hands look more elegant, they even make your rings sparkle and emphasise skin tone. You just have to be selective with the colour to suit the season and occasion. This black is fabulous for the winter as it goes with my entire wardrobe, I adore my fluorescent pink BarryM for the beach and Essie day-glo orange for the summer. But I invariably wear "Revlon Red" classic vivid enamel on my toes, it has that edge of decadent Hollywood glamour reminiscent of Bette Davis’ lipstick and very "Sunset Boulevard". I can assure you my stubby little piggy toes need all the help they can get…….

Talking of feet, why does a toe nail manicure always last way longer than fingers? In summer our tootsies are exposed naked to all elements in flip-flops, sand blasted on a beach and forced against the toes of skyscraper heels. They get stubbed, trodden on and bashed but the lacquer remains resilient, it’s like the black box of an aeroplane, an undistructible element that even refuses to budge with polish remover.

Well this latest coat is virtually dry now so onwards and downwards and back to Treadmill work……