Types on bikes

Types on bikes

Sorry to bang on about this again but it really is my bête noir. The academic types who insist on transporting entire families of up to 4 children on one bicycle. Every morning I pass a bearded, middle aged (well she’s probably only about 28) typical muesli belt, thick brown corduroy, thick brown bread off thick brown plates “type”, need I say any more; you got the picture? They are on the way to nursery, far too many kids for one person to actually bring up herself; after all she has a World to save.

Child number one is on a perch directly in front probably still attached to her breast; child number two has one of those unsteady swaying one wheel bike extension thingys that invariably lists at a 45 degree angle from the perpendicular, resulting in the aforementioned child’s long uncombed hair sweeping the gutter. This child is usually still asleep (well he’s been up all night practising his cello, reading Plato and debating the theory of evolution). Finally the tiny twinnies are encased in a rear contraption that I can only say resembles a wheelie bin. This fragile box on wheels is covered over in torn clear plastic and the sheer look of terror is visible in the toddles eyes as their mother veers round corners at an alarming speed.

The final accessories are a 3 foot pole with a red flag on top which ricochets in the wind and to complete the ensemble a horizontal flagpole starboard side just to really piss off motorists

This fugly family wend their way across the city come fair weather or fowl and it’s been pretty fowl of late. The androdygnous parent really believes they have the right of way and prerogative to cut in front of any traffic at the drop of a hat, hand signals what are they? They seem oblivious to the precious cargo to the rear and the resulting whip lash effect; quantum physics is no doubt their chosen speciality but the possibility of a jack knife scenario does not seem to enter the equation.

It’s an accident waiting to happen, but when it inevitably does, it certainly won’t be her fault